Friday, December 23, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
All I want for Christmas...
Is Christmas shopping as crazy for you as it is for me? I wish I was one of those wonderfully organized people who have everything sorted out by the end of November. But no, every year I am totally surprised that it's already mid-December and Christmas is coming. Oh. My. God. Need to buy presents. Now!
Panic usually sets in sometime around 10 December, because my loved ones are spread out all around the world and there's no way I could go and visit them all. So cards and gifts need to be sent off at least two weeks before Christmas to have even the slightest chance to reach their destination before New Years Eve.
Also, my family and friends never really say what they would like for Christmas. This is nice, on the one hand, because I get to surprise them and scary, on the other, because I get to obsess over what they might like, what they will probably already have and if I'm actually any good at choosing gifts.
Following two disastrously wrong choices (long story but let me tell you, I'm still cringing at the thought of the rash she got from last year's organic bath oil) I decided I'd better ask one of my best friends what she would like for Christmas this year. This resulted in an attack of the giggles on the phone (I'm glad she at least can see my failures as a source for amusement). When she could speak again, she informed me that my inability to choose appropriate gifts for her was a riot (thanks a million, dearie) and that this year she would make it easy for me by giving me a hint. I should have known that this would lead to even more trouble, but there I was actually delighted for a moment.
Until she said: "Sex toys." And there was a slight pause, in which I tried to wrap my head around the idea of giving one of my best friends, a newly divorced mother of two, a sex toy for Christmas. Images of ball-gags, double dildos, floggers and anal beads flashed madly through my mind. I almost choked at the thought of giving her nipple clamps. Not because there's anything wrong with nipple clamps. I just can't imagine her sitting under the tree with a smart 5-year-old and a very inquisitive toddler on Christmas morning unwrapping a pair of those, or an anatomically correct dildo, or ... Well, you get the image, I guess.
Needless to say, I tried to talk her out of it. She insisted. And here I am, contemplating what to buy her. I'm assuming that it should be something she could use either on her own or with a partner. And whatever it is, it shouldn't be too obvious. Because, you know, the kids will certainly unearth it at some point ant then this is what happens and your wonderful offspring begins to suspect you capable of ghastly deeds...
So, sexy, one-woman, not too obvious sex toys. Suggestions any one? These are the candidates I'm considering at the moment:
Too obvious? Too ridiculous?
What about this one?
I personally adore this one, but I'm not the one who'd have to explain the concept of the ball-gag to a 5-year-old...
So, what do you think? Which one should I buy? Or would you choose something else entirely? Help!
Oh, and speaking of Christmas prezzies. My fabulous publishers Total-E-Bound have a Christmas contest going and you can win a Kindle!
I'll be Hitting the Hot Spot on the 19th. Drop by, if you like.
Panic usually sets in sometime around 10 December, because my loved ones are spread out all around the world and there's no way I could go and visit them all. So cards and gifts need to be sent off at least two weeks before Christmas to have even the slightest chance to reach their destination before New Years Eve.
Also, my family and friends never really say what they would like for Christmas. This is nice, on the one hand, because I get to surprise them and scary, on the other, because I get to obsess over what they might like, what they will probably already have and if I'm actually any good at choosing gifts.
Following two disastrously wrong choices (long story but let me tell you, I'm still cringing at the thought of the rash she got from last year's organic bath oil) I decided I'd better ask one of my best friends what she would like for Christmas this year. This resulted in an attack of the giggles on the phone (I'm glad she at least can see my failures as a source for amusement). When she could speak again, she informed me that my inability to choose appropriate gifts for her was a riot (thanks a million, dearie) and that this year she would make it easy for me by giving me a hint. I should have known that this would lead to even more trouble, but there I was actually delighted for a moment.
Until she said: "Sex toys." And there was a slight pause, in which I tried to wrap my head around the idea of giving one of my best friends, a newly divorced mother of two, a sex toy for Christmas. Images of ball-gags, double dildos, floggers and anal beads flashed madly through my mind. I almost choked at the thought of giving her nipple clamps. Not because there's anything wrong with nipple clamps. I just can't imagine her sitting under the tree with a smart 5-year-old and a very inquisitive toddler on Christmas morning unwrapping a pair of those, or an anatomically correct dildo, or ... Well, you get the image, I guess.
Needless to say, I tried to talk her out of it. She insisted. And here I am, contemplating what to buy her. I'm assuming that it should be something she could use either on her own or with a partner. And whatever it is, it shouldn't be too obvious. Because, you know, the kids will certainly unearth it at some point ant then this is what happens and your wonderful offspring begins to suspect you capable of ghastly deeds...
So, sexy, one-woman, not too obvious sex toys. Suggestions any one? These are the candidates I'm considering at the moment:
What about this one?
Oh, and speaking of Christmas prezzies. My fabulous publishers Total-E-Bound have a Christmas contest going and you can win a Kindle!
I'll be Hitting the Hot Spot on the 19th. Drop by, if you like.
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